Over the last several years, my son’s career has required 200 flights per year and untold hours traveling through airports.

His travels have inspired stories that have made me laugh out loud. It’s hard to fathom some of the things he has seen and heard traveling around the country, but I sure do love to hear about them!

I’ve asked him to share some of these funny anecdotes from his travels with you, and he has been gracious enough to be my guest writer today.

Read on for a humorous take on airport fashion from my son, Michael!

Flying Fashions, Vol. 1

by Michael Stutts

There once was a time when airline passengers wore their finest clothes to travel the friendly skies. One would not be seen in the shabby attire of commoners as he or she cruised quite literally above lesser groundlings. I’m kidding, honestly.

While the fashions may have changed, the tradition of self-expression continues. Be it the running enthusiast wearing a velour track suit, the international denim investor wearing a Canadian Tuxedo, or the efficient narcoleptic wearing straight up pajamas, times and flying styles have changed. My job requires me to take about 200 flights per year, so I’ve gathered a few fashion highlights I’ve spotted in my recent travels.

Look 1

First we’ll start on a Simply The Best theme and talk about dogs. And nothing says love for a dog like an homage to your favorite hounds artistically screened onto a black tee, right?

I generally get it that this ATL airport traveler loves dogs, but I have so many questions. Are those his dogs? Are all of those dogs related somehow? What makes the one dog the favorite? If that shirt could talk, it would probably just bark and not answer any of these questions.

Look 2

Do you like dogs? Do you like poker? Do you like artwork of dogs playing poker? Then look no further than this comfort-fit button down number seen at JFK airport.

I’m certainly a fan of being comfortable while traveling. While the robust size and silky material of this shirt may provide for a relaxed feel, I can’t help but think of all of art enthusiasts’ eyes burning into the back of my shirt, absorbing and debating the intricacies of this masterpiece. That might discomfort me.

Special Mention: A Must-Have Accessory

Tired of the same “black or white” travel bag? Are you looking to “Beat It” out of town for a “Thriller” of a trip? Or maybe you’re off to “Heal the World”? Then look no further than this King of Pop-themed tote (spotted at JFK airport) for all of your needs.

I have an image in my mind of this bag being full of sparkled gloves, pseudo-military tops with tasseled shoulder pads and sashes, aviator glasses, etc. But really it’s probably just carrying a lot of dirty laundry, which I suppose is also apropos.

Look 3

For those readers who aren’t up on their mid-2000s college basketball-turned-NBA players, this young man at DFW airport is wearing a JJ Redick jersey.

On the surface, you may think I’m questioning the choice because Redick played at Duke and I’m a die-hard Tar Heel – but really, this is more about options and choices.

If you’re a fan of the Los Angeles Clippers, there are better options. If you’re a fan of Duke, there are better options. If you’re a fan of white guys who rap, there are better options. But, as my mom would say, everyone should confidently wear their own style, no matter how deeply questionable the choice may be. And the dude can drain some threes – then again, there are better options.

Look 4

Our last entry features a man in Orlando wearing a Jay Z / Harry Potter mash-up shirt. It combines the hit song with the lyric “I’ve got 99 problems but a [female dog] ain’t one” and the shimmering gold sporting good featured in the fictional (or is it?) game of Quidditch played by The Boy Who Lived.

On the surface, this is cute wordplay appropriate for the Wizarding World of Central Florida. But I have to wonder – is this man actually a hardened criminal boasting of eliminating adversaries who know too much? I ask because he clearly isn’t in the demographic of either element of the mash-up – there’s a distinct possibility that he has never heard of the song or the books and to him the shirt is just a statement of fact. Maybe he’s really advertising that you shouldn’t cross him, else he might go all Voldemort on you (but more in the old-man-strong style of Wilford Brimley).

Stay tuned for the next installment of Flying Fashions…and stay classy at 30k feet.